He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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