i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
