I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i think i have two assholes
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
