Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
love makes seman taste better
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
