Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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