wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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