I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
