Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
