i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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