Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
