I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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