I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
