i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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