do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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