are you so shy because you have an std?
I cut my penus on the lid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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