We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
