Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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