DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
