He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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