found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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