false alarm. still invincible.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
