So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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