if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
