he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
