I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
