I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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