We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
