Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
