"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
