you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
