If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
