So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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