I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I wish you could order shots online.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
