I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
