we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So squirting runs in the family.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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