Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nicole vs. Life
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
