Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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