I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
