I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
