Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
