He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
