she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
