You're earring is so big in my mouth
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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