we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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