I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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