Duck Duck Cougar?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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