I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
