Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
