During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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