I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
