ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i drank out of a bidet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize