Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
