How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
