Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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