I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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