how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
