This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
