first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
