Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
