At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
