Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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