New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
