there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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