Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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