Soap is not a condiment
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
