Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
