So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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