He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize