drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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