I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
