I'm going to jail i love you
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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