it hurts more in the daytime
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
